This time of year it's tough to avoid the traditional family-centered view of life. Mommies, daddies and babies abound. And around each corner another couple sharing the joy.

If you're single this holiday season, stop listening to Elvis sing "Blue Christmas." It is possible to enjoy the holidays without a partner, experts say.

First, don't buy into the hype, says Carole Fee Ivanoff, an assistant clinical professor in the University of Denver's Graduate School of Social Work. "It's rally hard to see these commercials, where the house looks like Martha Stewart did it, and everyone is happy, and everyone is thin and gorgeous. We're sure we are the only single person out there."

Ivanoff most often hears this sentiment from those reconvening from a recent split versus other who’ve remained mostly uncoupled.

Plan Ahead

“Hard times call for advance preparation, “says Ivanoff. She recommends that people who are suddenly single – either by breakup, divorce or death – set aside the time and find a place and a person with whom to share feelings of loss. Doing this helps vent emotions before they spill into every aspect of the holidays.

Calling any relationship end a marker event, Ivanoff also suggests re-evaluating holiday celebrations. “Which (rituals) have been meaningful, and which ones have really lost their meaning anyway?” Only things they don’t have to do anymore – visit certain people eat traditional holiday “treats” they hate but eat anyway just to keep the peace.

Ivanoff also suggests the following:

Change the script this year. If a recent uncoupling shakes your mood, take a trip or do something completely different for the holidays to avoid reminders that might set off an avalanche of emotion. But be sure to cast the decision in positive terms so that other doesn’t feel “sorry” for you. “Say something like, ‘I‘ve given it a lot of thought, and I’ve made a great decision for me. This year I’m going to . . . ‘Putting it in such a way that leaves no room for pity or argument.”

Limit exposure to critical family and friends. If certain people ask or say too much about a breakup or ongoing single hood, spend less time with those people. Instead focus on those who support your decisions.

Remember it wasn’t 100 percent wonderful. “The holidays stir up all kinds of crap event for the best couples,” chuckles Ivanoff.

Have boundaries. People will ask probing questions about your breakups or your mental health, but you are in control over the answers. Consider reminding family and friends that trashing a former partner may seen like a good idea, but it also besmirches your own decisions and self-image.

See other’ reactions for what they are. “The newly single person is like the canary in the coalmine for people whose relationships are in trouble,’ says Ivanoff. So it may reflect their own insecurities. Look to friends with strong relationships for comfort and support.

Take the time to ask for what you need. Follow all the e rules of self- nurturing – eat right, exercise, go to the spa. And if you’re feeling lonely, don’t be afraid to ask people to spend time with you – especially children.

“There are many kinds of wonderful relationships,” Ivanoff reminds us. “Not being in a romantic relationship does not mean there are not many other wonderful nourishing relationships.”

Get out of the house

Meeting people is next to Impossible while just sitting on the couch, points out Leah Furman, co-author of “The Everything Dating Book” (Adams Media Corp., $12.95.)

“If there are parties. Go. Accept every invitation. You never know how many single people are going to be there.” Or have a party of your own, invite only single people and ask everyone to bring a single friend. She swears that simply providing the locale, music, food and adult beverages works.

“Being single during the Holidays is easy in Denver, “says Donna Vander Baan 32, who moved to Colorado five years ago. “There are so many opportunities for singles that it’s not a sad time of year.”

She’s a fan of Dinner for Six, a dinner club that pairs three men and three women for a dinner at various restaurants. Sure a love connection may spark, but it’s also a great way to meet new single friends.

Vander Baan is booked up with parties, theater events and excursions to the mountains this holiday season she says with Dinner for Six. She is especially eager for the big Holiday Party. Dinner for Six, invites other single groups to at the Brown Palace

Decorate at least a little

“Whatever you do, don’t skip decorating for the holidays,” warns NJ Farnan, of Interiors Wes in Crested Butte. “What could be more depressing? It’s better to try something and not do it perfectly than to not try at all."

Just don’t buy a tree that’s bigger than your are, she adds.

Meeting single professionals is complicated.

Go it alone and you can meet the weirdoes!

Go it alone and you may eventually find someone!

We've been around since 1994 so we know the game.

Don't be shy. Give us a call 303.777.0700 or e-mail us.

DINNER FOR SIX has been featured in

THE DENVER POST, THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN NEWS, WB2 NEWS & OTHERS

"Best Singles Dining Club" As Seen in Westword's Best of . . . 03, 04 & 05

DINNER FOR SIX
1221 S. Clarkson, Ste. #201
Denver, Colorado 80210
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Phone: 303.777.0700

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